As I went to write “Dear Shiloh at 2 years old” I realized I forgot to post last year’s “Dear Shiloh at 1 year” DOH! This writing sat in my doc folder for an entire year! I felt guilty for about 30 seconds and then I figured, better late never. Shiloh’s first year in pictures and a love letter… just in time for his 2nd birthday : )
Dear Shiloh at 1 year,
Nothing marks the passing of time like a growing child. This year was fierce and fast, sweet and slow. You are (most likely) our last baby and that makes my heart sting. I can’t wrap my head around the idea because I truly love being a Mother and I love babies. I love a full, busy home and being pushed to find more patience and open-mindedness. You all force me to slow down and pay attention. I am learning so much and appreciate my growing awareness of how each of you need different things.
At this point in my journey I can truthfully say that I love birthing and breastfeeding. The empowerment I experience after the birth of my babies is ferocious. With your birth I finally figured it out. An ideal birth requires a disciplined mind. A mind that understands what a body needs. Being at peace with intense physical sensations and calming down enough to support what the body intuitively knows how to do. I am sad I may not get to experience that magic again. There’s always so much to learn with each birth and I love pushing myself to learn new things. You came so fast and we worked together beautifully. I caught you myself and feel incredibly proud of what we accomplished.
When it comes to breastfeeding, the opportunity to slow down and connect with you is a beautiful part of my day. I am in awe of my body’s ability to produce your nutritional requirements tailored specifically to our environment and your unique needs. That combined with your smiles and hands on my face make our time together something I treasure. At times I don’t feel like nursing, but it seems like your needs are slowing which aptly accomodate my slowing drive. Hopefully we have at least another year of nursing because I know we both get a lot out of it.
Your baby-self is so cute. I love soft snuggles, peach-smelling skin, tiny toes, dimply bottoms, full round bellies, sweet cheeks, and of course the smile dimples. I spend so much time smelling you and kissing you and nuzzling my nose and cheeks against yours. You are medicine Shiloh!
This year you have really come out of your shell. You spent the first 9 months or so mostly as a quiet observer. And now that you are blossoming into yourself, we are realizing you are much wiser than we think. You can communicate with your hands much sooner than we can understand your words and It’s fascinating to me how much you are capable of communicating at such a young age. At the time of this post you are signing, “more”, “all done”, and “milk.” You say “Mama”, and “Sage” which sounds like “AGE!” Its so funny hearing you yell this from across the house when you are looking for her. You say “DA” for daddy. You also say “Yeah!” You do a lot of baby babbling which makes me think you have a lot to say! Unfortunately I don’t understand it all but I do appreciate you wanting to talk with me!
You have this mischievous little giggle that I am excited to see develop. Sometimes when you engage in something a wee bit naughty you pull your hand away, look at me and giggle. You know you aren’t supposed to be digging through the trash, trying to knock over a water cup, unloading my laundry pile, but you enjoy the excitement of testing the water. Most of the time I laugh and gently redirect you to something more suitable but sometimes I just let you play. You really love the recycling bin and unloading that keeps you entertained!
You are tough and can hold your own surprisingly well with the big kids. In the bathtub, Cedar sometimes sprays you in the face with water and you laugh. When I ask Cedar to be more gentle he looks at you laughing and says, “but he likes it!”
You don’t want to miss out on anything. When you know the family is headed out, you find your way into the garage as if you are going to get yourself in the car! When the big kids are outside you follow. Same with upstairs, downstairs, whatever the group is doing you crawl quickly to try and join the fun.
You also play independently for a surprisingly long time. You crawl from place to place, tinkering and touching, exploring and experiencing the different textures and sounds of different toys and areas in our house. Sometimes you keep at this for 30-40 minutes. Your independence allows me to help Sage with her homeschooling, spend one on one time with Cedar, or get some housework finished. I really appreciate this side of you!
You eat like a famine is coming. Shoveling handfuls of anything into your mouth and continuing to shove more and more even when you haven’t swallowed or finished chewing the first handful. It’s so funny and we can’t believe you can fit so much into that tiny belly. Right now you are the source of most of the dinner time laughter. We all delight in seeing how much you want to eat and are grateful that you are always willing to finish what the rest of us can’t.
While this year was precious it was also challenging. The first six months felt like a breeze. The Snoo was an incredible investment. We felt rested and happy. While we did do less as a family unit, at least we were rested. Daddy took the big kids out while you and I stayed home to rest. I loved the downtime and was grateful we got to spend so much time together. In November, life became much harder. It was like a game of sickness dominoes that kept rolling through our house week after week. If you count the new Corona Virus quarantine, then the illness issues haven’t stopped. We are on month 6 of our lives being dictated by some type of illness. At least this time, it’s not in our immediate household.
Thankfully the painful sleep deprivation and relentless illness of the winter months were eased by the beautifully simple, magical moments that made it all worth it. The more babies I have the more I want, the easier it gets, and the more I realize how exquisite this time is. Each year and stage brings new blessings, but there is no blessing quite like time with a baby. If you end up being our last, I take comfort knowing that I slowed down and enjoyed you. I kissed you a gazillion times, took deep grateful breaths while you nursed, got to know the meanings of every cry, celebrated you, and relished in how lucky l am to be your mother. I can’t imagine life without you Shy Shy. I love you. We all do.
babysedivec.com 
Love this with all my heart. His smile is a true treasure, a piece of gold and like the best sunset! He is what the world needs! Thanks for sharing his amazing first year. Many many more to come!! Love love