Sage, thank you for at least meeting one of the four requests that were stated in the previous blog entry! Funny that you completely disregarded the other three requests… I am glad you are at least a little bit defiant. At least we know you won’t be boring.
This entry is dedicated to your birth story. One day you might want to read it, and I know that if you ever have a sibling, I will want to remember exactly what happened the first time! Even though it was a tough haul, the day of your birth, tied with the day your Daddy and I got married, is the most important day of my life and I don’t ever want to forget it.
Even before we were pregnant with you, I was very passionate about having a drug-free childbirth. I wasn’t certain I felt comfortable being out of a hospital but as soon as we met the midwives at Beach Cities I knew those were the women I wanted caring for you and where I wanted to experience your birth. Neither your Daddy nor I like hospitals and both of us believe so strongly in the power of our bodies that we both had faith the birth center and the midwives were the right fit for us. Your Daddy was entirely supportive of the plan and never wavered in his certainty that childbirth could easily take place outside of a hospital and that my body was strong enough and healthy enough to birth you on its own. Looking back, I am doubtful that I could have made it through the pregnancy and birth without his steadfast belief in me.
So the day came…
Sunday the 29th of April I was 40 weeks and 6 days pregnant. Your Daddy went rock climbing in Riverside so we went over to your Aunt Gretchen’s house and went on a long walk to Marbella Market with the hopes that all the walking would get some contractions started. Everyone came… Matt, Gretchen, Sabine, Eloise, and even Stella the dog. At Marbella Market we stopped for a snack. We enjoyed a nice walk back and believe it or not, you and I were actually moving at a pretty good clip. Once we got back to their house, I got a text from your Daddy saying he missed us and that it was time for us to come home to him. Once we got back to your Daddy, I still had more walking in me. So, we drove to the end of our street and walked to the end of the pier and back. We had a wonderful time enjoying our time together and the sun-filled day. After our walk, we came back and snuggled up for a nap. The day was quiet and passed slowly. Daddy made us an early pasta dinner.
After dinner I was cleaning and doing laundry when I got another urge for a walk. Figuring I should trust my instincts, I asked your Daddy to walk with me. We took off around the neighborhood and as we were walking, I started feeling a few birth waves. They weren’t anything I hadn’t felt before so I assumed this was another false alarm. I came home and relaxed on the couch. We had some friends over to visit and at 9:30pm, almost as if you were waiting for us to be alone as a family, our friends left, the door shut, and labor was about to begin.
I began feeling contractions that felt like a little more than practice. They were strong and were coming fairly close together. I called Jen our doula to give her an update and she told us that sometimes this happens when the cervix is opening from 3-4 centimeters, and to give it an hour to see if things settled down. She recommended that I get into bed, listen to one of my relaxation CDs, and try to get some sleep.
Daddy and I got into bed and I think he was optimistic about sleeping for a few hours because he passed out almost instantly. I unraveled my ipod, selected my relaxation track and tried to rest. I think I lasted with the lights out and the track on for about 5 mins before it became clear hell would freeze over before those tracks were going to relax me. So much for Hypnobabies! That was the last time I used any of the Hypnobabies tracks or the ipod.
I asked your Dad to get up, told him this was serious, and that we had to move into the living room. I lit a candle, tried some yoga positions, tried getting on the birth ball, tried pelvic rocking, but nothing was helping to make it easier. Fortunately I remembered that a friend told me humming helped her get through her contractions. So I stood up, leaned against the TV… rocked and hummed… rocked and hummed. Rocking and humming provided the most comfort so I stuck with it.
From here it was game on and I didn’t get much time to rest. Things progressed incredibly fast so your Daddy started timing the contractions. At 11:25 Daddy called Jen again to let her know that the contractions were lasting almost one minute and coming, at their longest, about a minute and thirty seconds apart. Some of them were coming even closer and some even back-to-back.
Jen was on her way.
Jen writes “ as I was driving, I was putting together the information I had and called your Daddy. The labor was going at rocket speed, and all indications were that this would be a very fast birth. I suggested your Mommy get into a warm bath, not just for comfort, but sometimes it can even slow labor a little bit and give your Mommy a break.”
I got in the tub hoping for this break Jen was suggesting. The contractions were coming like gunfire and I didn’t have time to catch my breath. They were intensifying and coming faster than I knew how to deal with them. Fortunately I remembered the advice of two friends who found relief when their husbands pushed on their lower backs. I immediately requested this of your Daddy and he started pushing. That was the biggest help of all. It felt so much better to have the counter-pressure against my back. Wow, what relief. The pressure definitely made the birth waves much more manageable. Rocking…humming…daddy pushing…rocking…humming…daddy pushing…
Jen writes, “ I arrived at the house at midnight and found your Mommy in the bathtub. Rather than finding her relaxing, she was working very hard to stay on top of the crashing birth waves. When a wave would start, she would call for your Daddy to apply pressure to her low back. Your Mommy was on her hands and knees in the tub, and could not lie down and relax between the birth waves because they were coming so hard and fast. Your Mommy was feeling some tentative urges to push and feeling pressure in her bottom, so I said it was time to go to the birth center.”
Seeing Jen walk in the door was like seeing an angel. I could only see her white socks because I couldn’t lift up my head, but man, those white socks were straight from heaven! Your Daddy was doing an incredible job but knowing Jen was there, with all her experience, to help us make decisions was a relief. She came in and got right next to my head and started coaching me through the contractions. I was tensing up a great deal and she modeled good breathing techniques for me to follow. Instantly it helped me gain control over my body. Jen’s soothing voice and calm demeanor helped me stay at peace with each intensifying wave. I was surprised to find that as the contractions were strengthening the sensation to push was an added layer to the experience. It felt like I had to use the bathroom but in a much more powerful way than I was used to. Jen had me get out of the tub and encouraged me to use the bathroom but it became very clear that the urge to push was not an urge to use the bathroom but the beginnings of the baby’s arrival. It was time to get to the Birth Center.
I was wearing my bikini top so I grabbed a pair of underwear, my bath robe, my flip flops, and headed out the door. Jen and Daddy were scrambling to grab some things to take as I was rushing to the car. Once I got downstairs I became very frightened about the car ride. I told Jen I didn’t think I could make it without your Daddy pushing on my back and if he was driving I was going to be left to try and manage the birth waves on my own. She said “it is going to really, really, hurt, but you are going to do it. You CAN do it.” We reclined the seat the entire way back and I got on my hands and knees. This was the first time I have ever ridden backwards in the front seat of a car! Daddy started driving and I was holding on to the seat as tightly as I could. This time period from leaving our house to arrive at the birth center is glued in my memory as really the only truly painful part of the birth. Without your Daddy to push on my back the birth waves were nearly unbearable. He was trying his hardest to push with his right hand while still driving with his left but without his full strength the pressure just wasn’t enough to alleviate the intensity of the contractions.
Fifteen minutes later, at 1:00am we arrived at the Birth Center just seconds before B.J. the midwife. B.J opened the birth center and we went into the birthing room to continue the labor.
I handled the very intense birth waves with as much strength and focus as I could muster. Your Daddy applying pressure to my back was an absolute necessity. At this point there was no way I could get through a contraction without him. During this next birth wave large pop and a huge burst of water splashed all over your Daddy’s feet and flip flops. Everyone started laughing and cheered. We were officially on our way to a baby! B.J. and Jen both said you would be arriving within the hour.
The thoughts going through my mind were bouncing with excitement. Was it really possible I was going to be able to have a labor that from start to finish was 4-5 hours?!
Awesome!
Shortly, BJ checked me again because I was having stronger urges to push. The exam revealed a small lip of cervix that needed to melt away. BJ had me push against the cervix a few times, and it did indeed slip over your head. I was fully dilated, 10cm, and ready to go. I was so excited. Seeing as how the average length of labor in a first time pregnancy is 15-17 hours, the fact that we were ready to push after three and a half hours was so exciting!
Little did I know that up to this point, labor was easy, the hard work was about to begin. A few minutes later as I was standing through a birth wave, BJ realized via the fetal monitor that your heart tones were weakening so she instructed me to lay down on my side. Unfortunately, through the rest of the night, it was difficult to find a position where your little heart was happy. I would push through a contraction and your heart tones would get slower and slower and weren’t recovering very quickly. Hearing your heart rate decrease to a lazy thud was terrifying. But I didn’t have time for a wandering imagination…I had to surrender and trust that BJ was going to take care of us. My job was to focus on her directions and to bring you safely into the world no matter what the cost.
Because of the concerns about your heart, BJ had me constantly switching from my left side, to flat on my back, and to my right side as she tried to find which position would be best. This was not easy for me as my body continued to embrace the enormous desire to push. Because of your struggling heart, once in a while I had to push through every other contraction letting my body relax during the powerful pushes of my lower abdomen. It was pushing even without my help. A powerful bearing down that was miraculous actually… my body was capable of doing this even without me. I found this pushing phase to be such a relief from the birth waves for dilation. It was as if I could mentally let go and find the inner warrior that would see this through. I felt like I was in and out of consciousness, and was just allowing my body to fight this fight for us.
Jen writes, “ your Mommy continued to labor with amazing strength. She never gave up, and did absolutely everything that was asked of her. Your Daddy was applying counter pressure through every single contraction. As a doula, I know how exhausting that can be. I offered to change places with your Daddy, but he refused to give up. He said that as long as your Mommy was pushing, then he was pushing too. It was beautiful to see the teamwork that your Mommy and Daddy had, bringing you into the world the way that nature designed. Your Mommy was resilient, your Daddy was resilient, and both remained strong and committed all the way to the finish.”
After about an hour and a half of pushing, BJ became very serious. Your heart tones were still showing signs of stress so BJ had to make a decision. She told me that she would give me 15 more minutes and if there wasn’t significant progress in your position, then we were going to the hospital.
Jen writes, “There needed to be a sign of your arrival soon as the stress on you could become too much. Of course no one wanted this to happen so we all put together everything we had to help your Mommy get through this. We encouraged her, believed in her, and cheered your Mommy through the next several contractions. Your Mommy gathered all her strength, and pushed with everything she had.”
When BJ told me that we had 15 minutes until we were transferring to the hospital I thought, “thank you sweet Jesus. I’ve had enough of this.” But then it occurred to me… that in order to get to the hospital… I would have to get back in the damn car. Slim chance Life Flight was going to send a helicopter the distance of a few blocks so it was a car ride or I had to make some progress fast. Due to how painful the first car experience was, I honestly would rather have had BJ give me a C-Section with a butter knife than go on another car ride, especially in this state. It’s funny how my mind was working… to me, riding in the car was going to be worse than a C-Section with no anesthesia.
Fortunately you started to move down the birth canal so a C-section via butter knife was not needed. I stayed on my right side and your heart rate was doing much better. BJ said that as long as things remained stable in this position I could keep pushing. You were happier and we were making progress!
Jen writes, “Your Mommy and Daddy continued to work as a team, your Mommy pushing you down, your Daddy pushing against her back. I applied ice-cold washcloths to your Mommy’s forehead and shoulders, and she welcomed the cold sensation. I would give sips of water from time to time, and continued to encourage your Mommy. At the first signs of your slower heart tones, your Mommy was given an oxygen mask to breathe through in between contractions. We all got into a rhythm, resting between the contractions, and then getting into position for the pushing. We would take off the oxygen mask as the birth wave would build, your Mommy would breathe the first breath away, and then fill her lungs with as much air as she could, and then push strongly. She would push as hard as she could, with all of us encouraging, cheering, counting, and telling her how strong she was and that she could do it! She would take another breath and push again, and then another. Your Mommy was pushing with maximal effort, giving it everything she had, I know your Mommy is an athlete and super strong, so I knew she could do it. She was pulling from the very depth of her core, mustering up every last ounce of energy, putting forth every ounce of strength she had to birth you. It was hard. It was tough. It was exhausting. It was long. Your Daddy choked up between pushes as we started to see your head. It was so emotional, as the hard fought battle was coming to an end. We knew your Mommy could do it, and could see the finish line.”
This final stage of your birth was exhilarating and the most exhausting work of my life. I have never been so tired yet given no choice but to keep going. Your Daddy kept cheering and was getting so excited as you came closer and closer to arriving. His energy gave me the strength to continue. I could hear it in his voice that seeing you was a miracle and hearing it in his voice let me know I could do it. Without his excitement I don’t know that I could have finished. He was holding me tight and encouraging me with all the energy he had. He was a spectacular partner and played such an active role in your birth.
Everyone was thrilled that you were so close, with each push everyone would cheer. From my position I couldn’t see what was happening and didn’t understand why you weren’t here already. No one explained to me that even when the head is in view, it still requires a great deal of work to get the baby out. I had imagined, incorrectly, that once the baby’s head was in view, the baby came out. It was such hard work and I couldn’t feel how close you were. As we were nearing the finish line and as I felt like I couldn’t make it much farther. Everyone told me to feel your head. I didn’t want to, I just wanted it to be over. I had been pushing for almost four hours. But luckily no one listened to me. Someone grabbed my hand and placed it right on top of your head. That moment is one I will never forget. You really were right there, so close. I gave it a few more pushes, endured the fiery pain of pushing your head through … and there you were.
At 5:22am you arrived. Your Daddy wrapped me in his arms and you were immediately placed upon my chest and covered in warm towels. You felt limp, slimy, still, and were a little blue. I was so tired I don’t remember even being able to wrap my arms around you. Just as I was processing your presence in my life, you were taken away.
Jen writes, “ The birth journey that you experienced was a tough one, and you needed a little assistance transitioning into the world. Your cord was clamped and cut, and you were taken over to a table for some suctioning and oxygen. You were so peaceful, pinking up quickly, your eyes were open, and we al knew you would be okay. A few strong cries, and you filled your lungs with oxygen. You were returned to your Mommy’s chest, and your Mommy and Daddy admired you and welcomed you into their life.
Your Mommy’s birth experience had been fast, hard, and exhausting. Your Mommy’s physical, emotional and mental strength had been taken to its breaking point, and she needed time to recover. It would take days and months, not merely minutes, for this to occur. Your Mommy was very weak, so she had your Daddy hold you and do skin to skin during this time. Your Daddy was very happy to do this and embraced you with love into his arms.”
When you were taken from me I wanted so badly to get up and take you back. I wanted to tell BJ not to cut the cord, I wanted to demand that she tell me what was going on. She was in such a rush to care for you and I barely had the strength to open my eyes. All I could do was muster the energy to ask Jen if you were ok. She kept assuring me that you were going to be fine but that you needed a little support before you could breathe on your own. I was collapsed on the bed again feeling barely conscious. I just needed to know you were going to be ok. After a few minutes, BJ gave you back to me. You were so beautiful and finally so real. You took my breath away. I was so overwhelmed by the whole experience, so proud of us, our family…doing this together and our collective strength… but, because of how tired and weak I was I asked your Daddy to take off his shirt and hold you on his chest. He did this immediately and I found some peace knowing and hearing that the two of you were together.
Sage, this was the greatest and most rewarding challenge I have ever faced but every second was worth it. We were so powerful and strong. After this, I feel like I can accomplish anything. This experience brought our family of three so close as we all had to work with incredible strength and in beautiful harmony to make you happen. We are so thrilled at this opportunity to witness your beautiful life blossom before our eyes. Welcome Sage Augusta Sedivec and enjoy your beautiful life. We will be watching and loving you always.
Dear
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