Sage calls you “the lover,” and she nailed it.  You are gentle, sensitive, tender, observant, empathic, and nurturing. You crave security and predictability, you notice the teeniest tiniest things and you are the medicine to the physical and emotional aches in our family. You’re our little cancer baby, born in the water and like the water, you flow swiftly while simultaneously smoothing the sharp edges in your path. 

For a long time I worried that if I let you out into the world, it would crush you. But the longer I spend with you, I realize that you have more strength than I give you credit for. I hear you stand up to your sister and you let your Dad know when he uses a tone of voice you don’t like. You even told a police officer (on the site of an emergency) that he should probably park somewhere else because he was blocking traffic.

This strong voice weaves beautifully with your tender side as you ask us to please not kill the flies in our house, as you courageously share (on the way to swim class) that you are afraid of drowning, you politely communicate that you don’t like eating meat, you love to wear dresses, you want to grow your hair “long like Rapunzel,” and you take wonderful care of your baby doll, “Brownie Frank Sedivec.” You also love riding your bike, fishing, skateboarding, scootering and doing front flips off the top bunk onto the beanbag. You like to collect things, especially sweet things.. so much so that I discovered a stash of cake decorations, candies from Sage’s birthday, and other odds and ends in a pile stuffed under the chair in the playroom. 

Leading up to your birthday you asked for nothing. Not a toy or even a special activity… the only request we could get out of you was a rainbow cake and friends to eat it with. You really prefer connection over stuff.  Daddy made you an amazing cake and we decided to surprise you and take you to the pump track to ride your bike. We also took you to a restaurant that had an indoor playground attached to it! You loved it. 

As your birthday approached I wrote down some Cedar memories I hope to remember-

• You call windshield wipers “rain swipers”
• During one of our camping trips in Wales you heard from another camper that the best time to catch fish was at 8:00pm. So at 8:00pm you and Daddy went to catch a fish. When you came back I asked if you how it went and you sighed and said, “I didn’t get to see what the 8:00 fish looked like” Which really sounded like I didn’t get to see what the 8:00 fish yooked yike” It was so cute
• When you are mad at me you say, “You are horrid! You are a horrible mother! Which sounds like “You are a howible moder!” It’s really hard not to laugh.
• One night before you went to bed you said, “I’ll see you for 8500 snuggles in the morning”
• When you see things you want in a store you say, “are those buyable?”
• Here is a conversation we had recently…

Cedar: “Mom, why is your belly so big?”

Mom: (I pause to think how I should respond)

Cedar: “I KNOW! Because you have a baby in there! It’s a girl baby!”

Mom: “That would be amazing Cedar but I am certain there is no baby in there right now”

Cedar: “That’s ok Mama, she’s in the stars.” 

• You call me your “forever mama”
• I was wearing a big ol’ funky beach hat and you said, “That hat looks so bootiful on you mama”
• At dinner time we each go around and share a rose and a thorn about our day. One day your thorn was that your friend at gymnastics had to leave class to use the bathroom. 
• The other day you opened the locket I have from Aunt Helen, the one that has Aunt Helen’s picture and Granny’s picture in it. You opened it and said to me, “Mom, I heard singing!” 
• You are super responsible! You close things up and put things back where they belong. We actually got you a camera for your 5th birthday because we knew you would take good care of it. 
• You were the only one in our family to remember the rubber band rule at the campsite (everyone takes a rubber band with them to the public toilets and hangs it outside so people know how many people are inside. Then you take it with you when you leave). Every single time you went to the bathroom you took your rubber band and then counted how many rubber bands were outside vs people inside and always shared how many people forgot to take theirs with them when they left! And you reminded the rest of us to take ours! 

Cedar my love, you are so many wonderful qualities rolled up into one super special child. You have a soul that is centuries beyond your 5 years and your intuition can make our hearts stop. I don’t know what I would do without you. You are a special star child and I am so lucky to be your “forever” mama. 

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